Unscrewing the cap

…off my bottled up feelings, thoughts and whatevers.

It has been more than a year since I’ve last blogged.

Same old usual reasons, excuses of being lazy, unmotivated, lack of interesting things to write about, too many interesting things to write about and end up can’t think of what to write first, too many other more interesting things to do etc etc etc… and the list goes on. But the main reason is still Laziness. Whoot.

It’s a year since I have started learning more about Animation, my current major. And so far, I’m still loving it. There are times when I feel tired, discouraged, and depressed when I see there are so many talented people out there. Will I ever reach that place one day? Yet, whenever I see my character moving the way I want it to (more or less), there is this sense of achievement that I have almost never felt before in my entire school life. Is this what the HR call job satisfaction?

One of my lecturers asked me if I am going for a degree, in the first year, I would have replied yes immediately, however, now I’m rethinking it again. Do I really need it? She saw my hesitant expression and asked me if I want to be an animator for my career life, and not moving up the ladder, I was thinking, “Why not?”

I have just finished a slightly longer than one minute animation clip for my final year 2 project, which took me more than a couple of weeks to finish. It was tedious work but I enjoyed almost every second (except for the rendering time when I feel so lost since I can’t do anything on my computer except to catch up on sleep). When I finished my presentation, I cried. And I have no idea why.

Probably want to make sure that I continue my record of crying in school at least once per semester.

Or was it because of my presentation? I had no idea what to talk to my lecturers about other than clicking the play button. Was it because of relief that the whole thing was over? It could be… I had practically nothing else in my mind other than Maya almost everyday. Was it because of disappointment that I could do better? Partly. I noticed my own character had a lot of mistakes after I rendered out and put into video… I had been troubled by that obvious mistakes for ages and couldn’t find the reason why…

At least I scared some of my classmates who were waiting for their turn and raised the tension level. *evil laughter*

Technical stuff ahead

Now…after a couple of days of investigating and trying out steps that my classmates did and that I skipped (ie. binding skin), it didn’t work. But at least I solved the head flying off the body problem…need to select from shoulders and upwards. As for the mistake (base head changing a little when I select blendshapes), I must not smooth the blendshapes. Just smooth the base head is enough!

And that’s the main reason why I want to blog.

Video clip here : At the Bus Stop

Random Thoughts ahead

I know some of my friends think I am weird even though I don’t understand why, but there are times when I, myself, think that I am weird.

I’m almost 26 this year, and most of my classmates are barely 20s, which meant that there is about 5 to 6 years difference in age. As a person among peers of my age, I am probably deemed as childish, but to some of my classmates, they thought that I am quite matured in my thinking. Well… hi, please remember there’s quite an age difference between us.

There were funny misunderstandings through the year. My lecturer selected me and another 2 of my classmates to help out in the Open House, what he didn’t know was that I am very very very shy in front of (a large group of) strangers. I guess most people forget about how they first met me. I could only initiate a conversation with female strangers who are looking as lost as I am.

There were also a few communication breakdowns throughout the year.

I am not interested in anyone nor am I interested in having a relationship.

Was it because I used to hang out with guys too much when I was younger? I have no idea why some guys think that I like them more than friends. Did they mistaken me being kind as me being interested?  I had almost always showed strangers the way (if convenient) if they asked me for directions because they always give me ‘I don’t understand what you are talking about” face. A tourist tried to pick me up when I showed him the way to his destination instead of giving him directions…He told me I was very kind… all I could reply was “Isn’t it normal to help?” It was probably a little foolish of me to keep showing strangers the way, but there are people who don’t mind helping without an ulterior motive.

Last but not least, please don’t let my appearance fool you. I may look weak, fragile and gullible, but I do have at least 20 years of life experience under my belt. I  am an adult, even though my thinking might still be childish at times, I do know how to stand up for myself and have the right to choose what I want for myself. Especially friends.

If you choose to dislike me because of my friends, I don’t care.

Protected: I don’t need friends like you.

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Everything seems more interesting than homework

Is it just me? Or does that happen to you too?

I have powerpoint slides to do for my animation. Initially I was excited…then it got boring as the deadline approaches. Everything else seems more interesting – cleaning my room, visiting friends’ facebook pages, updating random status, even…blogging this entry.

And I have only …less than an hour before I need to go and prepare for school.

Gosh. This is one seriously bad habit that I need to cut down.

. . .

Other than that… let me make it clear :

Be yourself

Stand firm

Think before you speak

and shut the fuck up?

\o/ 

. . .

Humans… are creatures that are into sadomasochism.

Not just in the sexually context, but also mentally.

The easiest example : Relationships.

Once, one of my closest friend told me about the situation of her friend and that friend’s boyfriend. All of us agreed that dumping that jerk is the most obvious solution. Yet that friend didn’t, and continued to hold on because of this feeling – love. Subjecting herself to emotional torture.

. . .

Once bitten, twice shy.

Note to myself.

I am NOT going to allow myself be beaten or be scold vulgarities at by this so called lover, and then forgive him just because he weep and beg for forgiveness. NO FREAKING WAY.

It is BYE, if there is a third party.

If we separated, it is a separation for SURE. There is no sense hanging on.

QUIT the emotional torture. Wake up!

Like what the fuck?!

If it happens once, it will happen TWICE. Since it will happen again, it does not matter if it happens again for the third time.. and so it goes on and on, in a never-ending cycle.

This is, of course, my opinion. It doesn’t concern you.

I don’t get girls. Like seriously. Come to think of it, I don’t get humanity either.

Art student does best

This is a rant post.

contains vulgarities.

 

It is our third lesson of a pure lecture class covering the overview of art scene in Singapore. In my opinion, it was a horrible failure.

First off, the group is too big.

The room is too leveled and deep. Students at the back lose sight of the screen, and lose their concentration in turn.

Poor speakers who are unable to project their voice to the back would soon be drowned by the babbling of the students.

No control of students.

True, they want to treat the students as adults (us?!), but if the fucking students don’t even give the simplest form of basic courtesy to at least keep their traps shut for 10 minutes…do not deserve such treatment.

I don’t know why…but we can’t sit still and listen?!

Like what the fuck?! What’s the problem with sitting still and listen? Are we always bubbling with such energy and excitement of seeing our friends?

If you are going to chit-chat, please, do it out of the class. I have no interest in hearing your conversation. And whispers CARRY to the front. Do not think that just because you are whispering, the people at the front can’t hear. We hear it loud and clear. You whisper, your friend whisper, friend’s friend whisper, the guy beside you whisper, then it becomes a fish market.

Worse, break time. Everyone’s using the door. Then there’s a crowd forming. Why?

  Because some bimbo decided to stand at the door and go, “Oh my god? Where’s the lecturer? I want to ask him for his autograph where to download the lecture notes. I can’t find it online!”

Then another brainless tart also joins the club, “Ohhhh, me too me too!” Then hand in hand, they stand at the door and giggled and ooohhh-and-ahhhh and oh-my~~.

FUCK. Clean your ears out. Pay attention during lectures and stop that retarded giggling and moaning shit. The lecturer had clearly told you the STEP-BY-STEP instruction of where to download it.

Okay…if you want to ooooh-and-ahhhhh, it’s fine with me. Perfectly fine. I wouldn’t say anything, just probably roll my eyes and laugh a little. But DO NOT perform that fucking little cutesy girlish ooohh-and-ahhhhing at the DOOR ENTRANCE/EXIT.

DO NOT BLOCK THE WAY. I know you’re slim, but you’re not that slim.You’re still blocking the way.

I Remember the BOTH of you. If the next lesson I see them oooh-and-ahhhhing at the door, I swear I will just happily trod on their pretty painted toes.

“Oooooopsie, clumsy me. But I did it on purpose. “

FUCK!@

What is wrong with Singapore?

I’m a lurker. This is a slight rant.

I like to read Yahoo! Singapore’s highlight news… at least the ones that interest me.

This entry’s comments set my brow furrowing.

If you don’t like Singapore, leave.

Sure, there are hiccups like floods and breakdowns, but there isn’t any utopia. Each country has their own problems. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. It just make you look like a frog in the well.

Before you complain, think. Do you always put in special effort in everything you do?

Before you complain, feel. Have you put yourself in the other party’s shoes?

Before you complain, look. Look at other countries’ troubles.

Before you complain, travel. Nothing beats first-hand experience.

Before you complain, STOP BEING A BLOODY COPYCAT.

Before you complain, do it yourself.

Don’t want foreigners? Do that work!
Don’t complain low pay, long hours, dirty work.

Not proud of the red passport? Ditch it. Go other country and live.

The people’s attitude towards you is a reflection of your attitude towards them (most of the time).

And the MRT’s still the same. It has always been crowded. What’s with the fuss?
Avoid the peak hours – office hours.
Stop staring at your iPhone and move to the center.
QUIT reading your bloody newspaper, especially if you can spreading it wide. Tmd, at least learn how to fold it. F*ckard.
Hop on the next train LAH! idiots.